Breastfeeding vs. Formula

Aidyn is 5wks and 2days old today...and I am still pumping and doing bottles.

As I reflect on this issue of breastfeeding vs. formula, I'm going to have to share a little TMI (too much information). I am doing this, not to share my waaaay to personal information, but so the whole issue and my opinions regarding my decisions will make sense. Feel free to stop reading here; I won't be offended. :) If you continue to read, be prepared to know a little more about me than you probably wish. :)

When Aidyn was born he was tongue tied and apparently earlier than we thought, or atleast according to the doctors. And, my nipples don't "stick out" far enough like they should. (TMI, I know...sorry) Because of these reasons, he was unable to successfully latch on and nurse. Seeing how I still wanted to breastfeed, I was able to begin pumping with a hospital pump ASAP. This was a huge factor in my milk coming in so quickly. For the next few days we would use a syringe to feed him. We did this at the dr's recommendation so that he wouldn't get used to a bottle and then not want to nurse once he was ready or learned to latch on successfully.

The lactation consultant at our ped's office suggested trying a time or two each day with nursing. I did and he was still unable to nurse. Aidyn would latch on but then release when he began sucking. At our next visit the lactation consultant suggested going ahead with bottles, for now. She (we) made this decision based on: getting rid of Aidyn's jaundice and getting his weight back up where it needed to be. She said we would continue to work on nursing, if we wanted, once those issues were solved.

Well, Aidyn's jaundice cleared up and he is growing like a pig! At our 2wk appt I talked with Gloria, the consultant, about bottles. I had continued trying to nurse him with each attempt being unsuccessful. Without pumping, my nipples just don't stick out far enough for him to latch on. He gets frustrated and cries. I told Gloria that for the time being, I had decided to just pump and use bottles. My biggest concern was that I wanted Aidyn to have the breastmilk...and he is. As far as being able to nurse or use bottles, that I didn't really care one way or the other. She agreed with my decision and said if I changed my mind, to please let her know and we could work on nursing again.

That was 3 wks ago and we are still pumping and using bottles. Aidyn eats every 3hrs (although sometimes 2 and sometimes 4) during the day. After each feeding, I pump in order to get his bottle ready for the next time. For a while this was working WONDERFULLY. I won't say I enjoy pumping, it's annoying, but well worth it. I was getting sooo much extra, Gloria said I could stop pumping after his 3am feeding. This was music to my ears! Between feeding him, pumping, and cleaning the parts...I was averaging 60-90 min of sleep between each feeding at night. Not fun! By eliminating the 3am time, I was adding 30 min to my sleep.

This worked out well since I was still pumping extra at all the other times. I have been able to store over 200 oz for future use. At each pumping I was getting enough for his bottle, plus an extra...about 200mL each time. Sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less, but still great! This worked until about a week ago. For whatever reason, even though he is still eating the same amount, my pumping has decreased. I no longer am getting enough for extra. I may get a little, but it takes several pumping "extras" to add up to one bottle. This has been frustrating. I never really enjoyed pumping, but seeing all the extra I was able to store away and freeze for future use made me feel great and made the pumping worth it. Now that I seem to be struggling to get enough extra just for the 3am bottle, I'm beginning to "lose faith".

I have already paid for the pump for the month of March, so I plan on continuing to pump through his month. After talking to a friend that did the same, she gave me some great advice. She said, "I also wanted to quit, but I would set goals for myself and re-evaluate my decision when I reached that point." She ended up pumping for 3 months. If I go through March, that will be 2 months.

I am going to continue on this "path" until Aidyn's 2 month appt which is on March 16th. This is actually a week earlier than 2 months. At that time, I plan on talking to Gloria about supplementing that one 3am bottle with formula. Here is my reasoning:

I could go ahead and just thaw and use the extra breastmilk I've been storing. Then Aidyn would still be getting 8-10 breastmilk feedings a day. The problem here is that I will be using the milk I had planned on saving for when my milk totally runs out or I just end up deciding to stop pumping...either because of work, personal issues, etc.

Or, I could hang on to the stored milk, and use one bottle of formula a day. This way, he is still eating mostly breastmilk, but I'm still able to save the extra. I like this option better. Why? Because when we finally do have to switch to formula, I will be able to provide breastmilk bottles for a little while longer. When that time comes, my plan is to use both (breastmilk and formula) before completly switching to formula. Even though 200 oz sounds like a lot, or did to me at first, he eats about 4-5oz a feeding right now. If we take 5oz into consideration, that really only comes out to 40 feedings = 5 whole days.

I have "given up" on trying to nurse naturally. The reason is that in order for my nipples to be out enough for him to latch on, I'd have to use the pump for atleast 5 min. That would be fine at home...but when in public or every day life am I going to want to carry a pump around to first pump 5 min and then let him nurse? That just doesn't seem reasonable. So instead, I am able to go out and do things for a limited time before needing to pump again either for his bottle or so I don't begin "leaking" - that's fun! When we go out or run errands, I can always take a bottle and it not be an issue should he get hungry while we're out. No matter where we are, I can just feed him. This I like. Also, others are able to help feed him which is helpful as well.

My original plan was to nurse as long as possible with the goal being that I would start "weaning" him in May. This would give me 2 months to work on that before having to return to school in August. Since we are using bottles, there really isn't any weaning necessary except for teaching my body to gradually stop making the milk. I hate to say that I won't make it to May, but I'm pretty positive I won't. I plan on pumping through March, and hopefully longer, we'll just have to see how it all goes.

Right now we pay $67 a month for the pump and that's it. No formula, bottles needs, etc. If we use the premixed liquid formula, that comes to about $1.50 a bottle. If we did that exclusively - we would be paying almost $400 a month! I know the powder formula is cheaper, but still! This is another reason I'm trying not to get too discourged with pumping and just keep it up.

Thanks for letting me "think outloud" about this whole issue. I'll let you know what we decide after our next appointment.